A Letter To My Dad

Dad,
This time of year is always very hard for me. Two days ago you died, and eight days from now we will have your memorial service. Although it was 6 years ago, to me it was like yesterday. I was on the phone with Bambi when she took the call, and I still remember her screaming. I remember running out of my job to go be with her. I remember calling mom and having to tell her, and I remember wondering how we were going to tell Josh in New York. I still remember the days leading up to your death and the weeks that followed. I remember the sleepless nights and just bursting into tears all time. I remember trying to be strong for the family who was devastated by your death. I remember feeling like an orphan when you died.

I can't remember when I was able to get through a day without crying. I can't remember when I stopped feeling guilty about enjoying life even though you are gone. I can't remember when I started to get on with my life. But I did.

So much has happened since you've been gone. You should see the kids! Isaac is so big and accomplishing so much. He helps a lot a church and when he Usher's I think about you. Elyssa is just like Bambi. She is daddy's little girl. Everything about her reminds me of Bambi. Both of the kids talk about you all the time, they can still remember Grampa Mejo and love when I tell stories about you. Isaac and Elyssa ride the bus together for school and I just told them the story about when you didn't let some guy sit next to Aunt Trudy on the bus and I think she threw a knife at you. They weren't surprised at your actions, but were totally shocked that Aunt Trudy got mad.

Things are pretty rough right now. You'd be proud of me though, I being strong like you taught me to be. I'm holding my family together and I'm trusting in the Lord even when I don't see my prayers being answered. I would give anything to have you here and give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be alright. I know that will never happen.

I'll keep on moving forward with my life and pressing through every holiday. I still send you birthday and Father's day cards even though they really don't go anywhere. I bet the people at the Post Office hate me for putting those cards in the mail. There is a man at church who's 18 year old daughter died on the softball field around 5 years ago. Him and his wife still mourn her like I mourn you. So now every year I give him a Father's Day card. I told him that we were a "match" and it does make me feel good to give a card to someone who otherwise wouldn't get one.

Dad although I sit here writing this crying the whole time, I am so thankful. I am thankful that I had you in my life and that you are worth crying for. I feel like so many times I took you for granted. I have met so many people who never had a father like you and our family wasn't perfect, but you were the perfect dad for me.

So I'll get through another day and continue to move forward in my life but I just wanted to let you know how much I still love and miss you.

Love,
Missy